Miseducating Karen
by RossN
Summary: For Karen Smith life after the Plastics was simple. Then she fell in love with one of the smartest and cutest guys in school. And she is not the only one...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own 'Mean Girls' or any of the movie characters (though I wish I did).

This story is set shortly after movie, so the Plastics have already broken up.

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**Chapter 1**

It was raining again. You didn't need to be psychic to work that one out, but Karen Smith was (sort of). As it happened she was not along to report to the weather this time, but if anyone had asked her she could have told them with absolute confidence that it was raining.

'We should be there now,' said Carter, the camera guy who was driving them to Robertsville. 'You ready?'

'Absolutely. Ready as I'll never be,' said Karen enthusiastically.

'It's 'ready as I'll ever be' Karen,' pointed out Linda the sound girl. Karen rolled this over in her mind a little. Come to think of it that did make more sense.

'I'm both,' she said generously. She looked out at the rain, refusing to let it dull her happiness. This would be her big break – she could feel it.

Ok, ok so maybe covering a Mathletes competition for the school TV was not the greatest thing ever, but everyone had to start somewhere. Probably even that Dan Cronkite guy (or whatever his name was) had started small. And he wasn't even psychic!

When they finally arrived in the neighbouring town of Robertsville Karen managed to maintain her enthusiasm for fully ten minutes. Then she fell asleep. Luckily Linda poked her with a pencil so she was awake to do the bit at the end.

'Like how exciting was that!' she said to camera. She looked nervous for a moment, then looked at Carter and mouthed 'who won?'

'We did,' he mouthed back. Linda buried her face in her hands. It was going to be another one of those days, she could just feel it.

'Oh look, it's my friend Cady,' said the blonde as she waved at the redheaded girl to come over. 'Cady, Cady over here!'

'Hey Karen,' said Cady, 'what did you think?'

'Oh you were great!' said Karen cheerfully. 'Very funny!'

'Er… funny?'

'Totally!'

'Well, thanks Karen. I couldn't have done it without the team,' said Cady, who was trying very hard not to break out into an entirely inappropriate grin. 'Especially Mike.'

She pointed out a guy standing nearby and the bottom fell out of Karen's world. Mike was cute. He was beyond cute. He was as if Johnny Depp and George Clooney had a baby together. Karen's jaw dropped.

'Karen?' Cady was speaking to her.

'Totally,' repeated the blonde. She pulled herself together a little. 'Thank you Cady. Now to have a word with the hero of the day: Mike can I have a word?'

She practically ran over to Mike.

'Hi,' she grinned at him foolishly. 'I'm Karen Smith.'

'Hi,' he said, blushing in a way that made Karen melt. 'I'm Mike Sedzikowski.'

'Oh, I love Spanish names!' Karen gushed. It was a stupid thing to say she knew, but it was the only thing that came to mind.

Mike laughed pleasantly, though Karen couldn't think of what she had said that was funny. She turned very red.

'So…,' he said with a smile, 'do you want to interview me?'

Karen suddenly remembered she was holding a microphone. 'Of course…' she stuttered.

Unfortunately the only question she could think to ask was 'how long have you liked math?' Actually this was not the only question but Karen realised that 'do you have a girlfriend?', 'do you want my phone number?' and 'will you have my babies?' would seem a bit out of place.

Somehow she managed to babble through the rest of the interview without swallowing her own foot. After it was over Mike turned another one of those smiles on her.

'So I guess I will see you in school right?'

Karen nodded dumbly, having temporarily lost the power of speech.

'Cool. You know I didn't know any of the other girls liked this sort of thing. Besides Cady I mean.' He smiled again.

Another nod.

'Well, I'll see you around Karen Smith.'

Thirty seconds later Karen rediscovered her ability to speak, but by that time Mike had long gone.

She conducted the rest of the interviews in a daze, but luckily no one seemed to notice.


	2. Chapter 2

_Xin chào _is Vietnamese for 'Hi'. Well, um, unless the internet has lied to me. In which case it is in character and Gretchen got it wrong.

**

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****Chapter 2**

Ring ring, ring ring.

'_Xin chào.'_

'Oh I'm so sorry I must have dialled the wrong number,' apologised Karen as she prepared to hang up the phone.

'Wait Karen it's me,' said Gretchen on the other end. 'Sorry, I've been waiting for a call from Sun Jin Dinh.'

'Oh,' said Karen. She cleared her throat. She had not exchanged more than three words with Gretchen in the weeks since the Plastics had broken up and it felt weird to be calling her again. 'And how are things?'

'Oh awesome,' Gretchen said enthusiastically. There was a tiny pause on the line. 'The only thing is…'

'Yes?' asked Karen, failing to keep the hope out of her voice.

'Well I'm pretty sure that I'm allergic to Vietnamese cooking. And Trang Pak won't let me wear pink. And I miss… like…'

Karen, as everyone knew was not the smartest girl in the world but she was not _totally_ stupid. And she knew Gretchen Wieners better than anyone else.

'I miss you too Gretch,' she admitted. 'You're my bff.'

At this point Gretchen obviously burst into tears because Karen could clearly hear her sobbing on the other end of the phone. This set Karen off and they sobbed in unison for the next four minutes before Karen managed to pull herself together enough to remember why she had called Gretchen in the first place.

'Ok, this is massive news, so maybe you should sit down.'

'I'm am sitting down,' replied Gretchen.

'Oh. Well maybe you should stand up then. I've totally fallen in love,' she squealed into the phone.

Gretchen squealed back. 'Oh my God Karen that is _so_ fetch! Wait… it isn't Seth Mosakowski again?'

'Hey, a girl makes a mistake three or four times and suddenly everyone thinks that's all that she ever does.'

'Sorry honey.'

'Anyway,' said Karen, 'he's going out with Kaitlyn Caussin.'

'Oh. Well tell me about this new guy. Is he a hottie?'

'Only the hottest hottie to have ever hotted,' squealed Karen. 'His name is Mike Sedzikowski and is really cute and funny. And smart!'

'Smart, really?' said Gretchen cautiously.

'Yes really!' Karen frowned. 'Hey wait why did you say 'smart' like that?'

There was a long, long pause at the other end of the phone. Finally Gretchen said 'I didn't.'

Karen relaxed. 'Oh ok then.'

'So,' said Gretchen as gently as she could, 'you aren't worried he might be a little too smart? Not that are stupid or anything, just – sorry hold on a sec.'

It must have been Karen's imagination but it had almost sounded like someone had been laughing just there while Gretchen had been speaking.

'There was a problem with, er, the phone,' explained Gretchen a moment later. 'Crossed lines or something.'

'Oh my god Gretch!' said Karen. 'What if he does think I'm too stupid?'

'Oh honey! Look I can ask around in school tomorrow and see if I can get the word on what he likes. I mean if you know that that's half the battle right?'

'Thanks Gretch,' said Karen, 'I forgot how awesome you are.'

'T-thank you honey,' said Gretchen emotionally. 'Don't mention it.'

'See you later,' said Karen and hung up.

Across town in her bedroom Gretchen Wieners stared at her phone for a second, then sighed. On the one hand she hadn't realised how much she had missed her best friend. On the other hand Trang Pak was probably not too happy at firstly that remark about wearing pink and secondly Gretchen cutting her off when she revealed she had been listening in by laughing. Gretchen should probably call her back right now.

On the third hand, she thought as she firmly put down the phone, she really did like pink.

Maybe the unfriendly black hotties had an opening at their table.


	3. Chapter 3

Note: Gretchen and Jason are not together anymore. All will be revealed in future chapters.

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**Chapter 3**

If there was anything going on at school worth knowing (other than what was actually taught in classes) then you can bet that sooner Gretchen Wieners would find out about it. All it took was trading in some worthless, day's old gossip about Kyle Morgan and the girls swim team and what had _really_ gone on at Ashley's party last weekend to find the first facts on the mysterious new hottie in Karen's life.

What she had found was that he was that he was a Math Geek and a senior and that he was a new student. Ok not much, but she had had only had a day to work on it. Karen was depending on her after all.

Unhappily the only Math Geek she knew was Cady, and that was one conversation Gretchen was absolutely not ready to have.

It was while she was walking along the school corridor towards the cafeteria, wrapped in her own thoughts that she bumped into her solution.

Literally.

'Hey,' she said painfully getting up, 'watch where you are going. Like some of us are totally not ten… feet… tall.'

Her jawed dropped. The guy who had bumped into her was way, way, way hotter than almost any guy she had ever met. He made Jason look like a mutant Chihuahua (though in fairness to Jason it should be mentioned at this point that Gretchen was not feeling very charitable towards him at the moment – with good reason.) She stood up, smoothed down her mini skirt and summoned up her best smile.

'I'm so sorry,' the hunk said, 'are you ok?'

'Better than ever,' she babbled, 'it was totally my fault. Are you, er, going to lunch?'

'Yes,' he said. He paused nervously (which astounded Gretchen – how could anyone so handsome be nervous about anything?) 'Um, would you like to sit with me? '

Gretchen practically melted into her new Gucci's. 'Um, sure!' she squeaked.

The following lunch hour would see both the best and one of the worst things that ever happened to her. First the best thing: as she entered walking beside the hunk practically every eye in the place turned her way. Jason nearly wet himself and Regina looked like she was about to pass out from shock.

It was something else. Better even than in the glory days of the Plastics when all eyes had been on… well Regina. This time she could almost read their thoughts: 'how did _Gretchen Wieners _land a guy like that.'

Her delight was only slightly dented when she discovered who they would be sitting beside. 'Oh hey Cady. Janis. Damian.'

They looked at her in astonishment from across the table. Gretchen avoided their eyes carefully. She noticed Karen holding court with her crew on another table across the cafeteria. The blonde waved at her cheerfully.

'Oh, so you guys, know each other?' said the hunk.

'Oh we go way back,' said Janis. 'Bestest buds, right Gretch?'

'Always,' said Gretchen hurriedly. She turned to her handsome neighbour. 'Um that is my name by the way. Gretchen. Gretchen Wieners.'

'Wieners as in the toaster strudel?' He laughed easily. 'I love your work!'

'Oh it's my dad's really,' she said modestly. 'I just helped with the jingle.'

He looked hugely impressed. And then he did something that on anyone else would have sounded impossibly dorky, but made Gretchen fall just a little bit in love with him. He actually sang the Wieners Toaster Strudel ® jingle:

'Wieners Toaster Strudel / The morning delight! / Wieners Toaster Strudel / A breakfast in every bite!'

'I was twelve when I came up with that,' admitted Gretchen shocked at her own delight that she was taking responsible for something so dorky.

Damian stared into her eyes and said, in his most deadpan voice: 'You are so deep Gretchen Wieners. Please have my babies.'

They all laughed, even Gretchen much to her own surprise. 'Well,' she added generously, 'my friend Karen helped a little.'

'That wouldn't be Karen Smith would it?' The hunk mused, 'I think I met her last night.'

Gretchen went cold inside. 'Um your name wouldn't happen to be Mike Sedzikowski would it?'

'Yes it is,' he replied happily, unwittingly crushing Gretchen's hopes. 'Did she mention me?'

Gretchen looked back over at Karen, who smiled and gave her a thumbs up.

'Um,' she said.


	4. Chapter 4

Just to clarify this story takes place a little after the end of _Mean Girls _- so it is set in the September after most of the movie. Hence the references to Gretchen and Karen's summers.

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**Chapter 4**

It was tricky, but Gretchen managed to avoid Karen for the rest of the day. She had never been so relieved that her friend was such a poor student; they only shared three classes on Monday and all of them had been in the morning. Unfortunately she had to sit beside Janis in French and for several terrible moments Gretchen had been afraid the brunette outsider would actually try and talk to her. The gods of high school must have been smiling her today however; Janis never said a word and merely smiled at her enigmatically from time to time.

Gretchen felt as if at any moment the ground would open up beneath her feet and swallow her hope. Not that that would be so bad if it got her out of her current problem. What do you do if you fall in love with a guy your best friend is already in love with? A voice in the back of her mind that sounded more than a little like Regina George urged her to go for it.

I mean, it was not like Karen had any sort of a claim on Mike was it? She had only met him once and then for only a few moments. That Gretchen herself had spent only a little more time with him was neither here nor there. Gretchen knew she had shared something special with him.

And yet…

A year ago if you had asked Gretchen Wieners who her best friend was she would have loudly told you that it was Regina George. A few months ago and the answer would have been Cady Heron. As recently as last week it would have been Trang Pak. But if you had really pressed Gretchen who was the person she held dearest in her heart of hearts she would have admitted it was the girl who had held her hand on the day of her grandfather's funeral. The girl who had gotten her ears pierced at the same time and helped her pick out her first pair of earrings. The girl who had been the only one to catch her when she fell.

'Shut up Regina,' Gretchen muttered to the part of her mind that sounded like the old Queen Bee.

Considering how sucky she was feeling about the whole situation generally it felt pretty good to say that to Regina, even if it was only the Regina in her imagination.

That night she drove over to Karen's house. Inspiration failed to strike, and as she neared her friend's home panic began to set in. Gretchen was nearly physically incapable of keeping a secret at the best of times and this was _not_ the best of times.

Luckily it was Karen herself who came to the rescue. After an epic hug that rattled Gretchen to her toes the blonde had enthusiastically told Gretchen about her summer. This was the first time the two girls had _really_ had a chance to talk since… god the end of school last year and Karen had a lot to talk about. Apparently it had been mostly spent on some idyllic Greek island visiting her cousin Sophie.

'Here listen,' Karen had insisted shoving an iPod into Gretchen's hands. 'Sophie told me about them – they're called ABBA and they are the coolest.'

'Ew, aren't they from the seventies,' had been Gretchen's first reaction, but after listening to a couple of tracks she had to admit they were pretty awesome.

Then she heard 'The Winner Takes It All' for the first time… and promptly burst into tears.

'Oh my god honey,' squealed Karen hugging her. 'Is it Jason?'

Of course it wasn't, or at least he wasn't all, but Jason was at least something she could grasp, could get off her chest. So she opened up to Karen and told her about that whole awful, awful day in July that Jason had smashed her heart into a billion pieces.

Karen was angry, she was sad, she was deeply sympathetic, and as Gretchen lay her head on the blonde's shoulder and let her tears flow she thought how good it was to have friends. Or _a_ friend… who else was there?

After a long, long time Karen finally asked her about Mike.

'H-he wants to meet you,' Gretchen said as calmly as she could.

'Coolness,' squealed the blonde, bouncing up and down on her bed in glee.

'But,' said Gretchen, 'I, er, said that you were very busy and, I, uh would have to see when you are free. Because you see I can get more info on him for you, so you can just wow him like that.' She snapped her fingers.

An impressed Karen nodded enthusiastically. 'Oh my god Gretchen you are so smart! And such a good friend!'

'Yes I am,' said an utterly miserable Gretchen. 'Yes I am.'


	5. Chapter 5

Carter Gray is the same Carter we saw in Chapter 1.

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Chapter 5

'So, what do you think of North Shore?' asked Gretchen casually or at least in quite a good attempt at casualness.

'Pretty good, pretty good,' said Mike. 'Not like my old school at all – that was just clique city.'

'Aha ha, none of that here,' said Gretchen awkwardly. 'Um Cady maybe you should drink some water or something,' she said to the redhead across the table who had been eating a burger when she started laughing and was now half choking.

'So anyway,' continued the brunette, her huge hazel eyes trying to avoid looking in Mike's shimmering blue ones, 'Karen – you know my friend Karen - is holding a Halloween party next week and I was wondering if you wanted to go?'

She suddenly realised how that sounded and jumped to clarify before Mike (or God forbid Cady, Janis or Damian) got the wrong end of the idea.

'As a friend that is. You know just as a friend,' she said nervously. 'In fact I might not even be there. Well I mean of course I will be there, just not with you. Except as a friend.'

Mercifully Cady intervened. She firmly took the babbling brunette by the arm and began guiding her towards the doors, loudly stating that she and Gretchen had to go powder their noses.

'Ok Gretch,' said Cady, once they were safely outside the cafeteria, 'just what is going on?'

'Um, nothing Cady,' insisted Gretchen. 'Everything is fine.'

Cady gave her look that indicated she didn't believe a word of it, but she told her: 'Ok Gretchen, but if you want to talk…'

'I'll see you at Karen's party,' said Gretchen firmly, and turning, she walked off so the redhead wouldn't see the tears forming in her eyes.

Later she and Karen went out to the mall for frozen yogurt and a chance to squee over the new Jake Gyllenhaal flick. And for her to help Karen with her Mike research.

'He likes baseball, Harrison Ford films, the Lord of the Rings,' rattled off Gretchen as they sat eating yogurt, before adding sadly. 'and Wieners Toaster Strudels.'

'Who doesn't like those?' wondered Karen. She turned her grey-green eyes on her friend and smiled one of those breathtaking Karen smiles. 'You know Gretchen; I was thinking it was time that we find you a new guy.'

Gretchen looked at her in utter horror, a look the blonde fortunately mistook for mere surprise.

'Now I know you are trying to hide it,' continued Karen cheerfully, 'but I know you haven't been happy since Jason. And I can't stand to see you miserable.'

She gave Gretchen a shrewd look and tapped the side of her head. 'You see. Mind like a trapped seal.'

'Um, actually it's like a 'steel trap' honey,' said Gretchen.

'Oh. That's so much nicer,' said a relieved looking Karen. 'I like seals.'

'Yes,' agreed Gretchen. 'Um, look Karen about this guy-'

'Oh here he is now,' clapped Karen in delight. 'Carter, over here!'

Actually Carter Gray was not all that bad looking in a seventeen year old Gabriel Byrne sort of way and at another time Gretchen might have given him more than the half-hearted smile she flashed in his direction. However he wasn't Mike and that was all she needed to know now.

'So Karen has told me all about you,' Carter was saying, 'I'm the camera guy on the weather reports and she is always talking about you.'

'A media guy? That is so fetch,' said Gretchen unenthusiastically.

'I told you she was smart,' said Karen leaning over. 'She even knows _British_ slang!'

That actually made the brunette smile a little. Good old Karen; the one constant in a changing world. If Gretchen said that 'fetch' was British, then British it would be whatever reality had to say on the subject.

'I'm sorry,' she said getting up, 'but I have to go. I just remembered I'm picking up my sister's… dog… from the vet. Yeah that's it. Sorry Karen I'll have to see the movie next time. Nice to meet you Carter.'

She heard an astonished Karen shout after her, but by that time she was sprinting as fast as her three inch heels would allow, and quickly turned a corner.

For the next ten minutes she wandered the mall unhappily, trying to sort her thoughts. Finding a bench she sat down and wiped away a few tears that had started to flow.

'Hey loser. Long time no speak,' said a voice. A shadow fell over her.

Gretchen looked up.

It was Regina George.


	6. Chapter 6

The Lincoln quote is real btw. :)

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**Chapter 6**

'I'm sorry about Gretchen,' Karen apologised to Carter as they left the mall food court. 'I guess she's just going through some things. But she is _so_ awesome; I know you guys will hit it off.'

'Thanks Karen,' said Carter. 'She does seem… well wow. I can't believe Jason dumped her.'

Karen's perpetually cheerful face clouded at this. 'Forget about Jason,' she said in a much harsher voice than usual. Carter looked at her in surprise; even as a Plastic Karen Smith had hardly ever gotten angry; Gretchen must have been really hurt in that break up to get this kind of reaction.

'So,' she said, looking and sounding more like her old self, 'how long have you liked Gretch?'

'Was it that obvious?' he asked, flushing a little.

The blonde shot him a sly look. Or at least the Karen equivalent of slyness.

'I'm psychic - duh. Oh and Linda told me a while back.'

'Oh. Um, well it's been years,' admitted Carter. 'But I was just an A/V geek and she was a Plastic – and with Jason.'

'I think she's lonely now,' said Karen sadly.

'Lonely men seek companionship,' said Carter, 'Lonely women sit at home and wait. They never meet.'

Karen looked at him in surprise. 'Carter, that's beautiful!'

'Well it's a quote,' he admitted.

'Reese Witherspoon?' asked Karen in excitement.

'Close. Actually it was Abraham Lincoln.'

Karen gave him a blank look. 'Who?'

Carter sighed. He liked Karen, but talking to her could be pretty exhausting.

'Hey isn't that that mathlete guy,' Carter pointed to a guy browsing in Barnes & Nobles.

Karen followed his pointing finger. There he was, Mike Sedzikowski walking around just like he was a regular person. Karen nervously glanced around just in case she was dreaming. Since there didn't seem to be any giant tap-dancing carrots around she had to guess she was probably awake.

'How do I look?' she whispered loudly to Carter. It ought not to be possible to whisper loudly but Karen managed it.

'Like you just stepped out a shampoo commercial,' said Carter.

'Wet?' asked a puzzled Karen with a frown.

'No, I mean you look cute. Really cute,' he assured her.

'Awesome,' she said happily. 'Now quick get lost – I don't want him to see you and get the wrong idea.'

'Cool. See you Monday boss,' said Carter to an oblivious Karen who was now walking towards the bookstore and Mike Sedzikowski.

Halfway there her nerve failed her, and she nearly turned on her heel, but summoning up reserves of confidence she hadn't known she had the blonde walked on. Gretchen's advice echoed across her brain. So long as she managed to avoid fainting Karen Smith was golden.

'Hi,' she said, tapping Mike on the shoulder. It was, she felt, a good opening. Gretchen Wieners would have approved.

'Hi,' he said, giving her an adorkably awkward smile. 'I wanted to talk to you.'

'Oh?' her heart skipped a beat.

'Gretchen said I could come to your Halloween party,' said Mike, 'and I was wondering if, um, it is mostly casual or I should book a tailor or…' he trailed off.

Karen thought of the zebra costume (well… zebra ears and a little black and white dress) that had taken her weeks to decide upon.

'Completely casual,' she said reassuringly. 'Why, what are you planning to go has?'

As soon as she said it, Karen regretted it. Too far, too far! What if he took it the wrong way?

'I mean, you shouldn't tell me,' she said quickly, 'or it won't come true.'

To her surprise he laughed. 'You're pretty funny Karen.'

Karen beamed in a mixture of puzzlement and pleasure.

'Cool,' she said, with a smile.

And that was when the idea hit her. It was a bit of shock – Karen normally did not do the idea thing. But this one was good. This one might have come from Gretch, or Regina or Cady. Gretchen had said Mike liked Harrison Ford, so Karen now had the perfect idea for a costume.

She could go as Princess Leia. And he would see her, fall madly in love with her and have like ten million of her babies. It was all she could do to not let out a loud squeal then and there.

Gretch would have been proud of her.

'Well I'm just glad you are coming,' she said.

'No problem,' he replied and for a second their eyes locked. It was indescribably wonderful. After what felt like a million years (but was probably about two seconds) they broke their eye contact and looked away nervously.

'Well I better be going,' he babbled.

'Me too,' she babbled, and they raced off.

Karen practically danced out of the mall. The only problem she could think of was how she could lay her hands on a brunette wig…


	7. Chapter 7

What is a _Mean Girls_ story without Regina?

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**Chapter 7**

'…and so that's the whole story,' finished Gretchen. She carefully studied Regina's features for any reaction. The blonde had said nothing for the last ten minutes while Gretchen had been talking and the brunette had no clue as to how she was going to react.

'You're an idiot Gretchen, you know that right?' said the blonde, bluntly.

Gretchen was (obviously) not very happy to hear this, but much to her own surprise her desire to slap Regina was not nearly as strong as her desire to confide in someone, anyone. So she sat on her hands.

Regina looked irritatingly fabulous. The blonde was not as dolled up as in her Plastic days, but she wasn't in her sports jock uniform either. Designer jeans, expensive boots and a black cotton t-shirt she still looked like a goddess without even trying. It was enough to make to you weep.

Somehow Gretchen had hoped that Regina would have been shorter than she recalled. If anything she was taller. Standing next to her Gretchen felt very short and very brunette.

'Still,' Regina said with a roll of her eyes. 'I suppose I should help you. You know, for old time's sake.'

'For old time's sake,' agreed Gretchen finding herself fighting the instinct to agree with everything Regina said.

'I mean you can't go back to that biaytch Trang Pak,' said Regina twisting the knife a little further.

'No.'

Regina relaxed a little, and for the first time her expression gave a little warmth. She even smiled a genuine toothy Regina smile. It was something even Gretchen had only ever seen a couple of times before, and it was about a thousand times more dazzling than the studied smile she usually wore.

'You know I've missed you Gretch,' she admitted. 'In a totally non-gay way.'

'Totally,' agreed Gretchen despite herself. There was something about Regina that you couldn't help but be drawn to, no matter how mean she could be. Even Cady had gone for it at least for a while.

The taller girl strode confidently ahead (not that Regina George _ever_ did anything without confidence), forcing the brunette to near sprint to keep up with her. She stood at the railing and gestured down to the other floors of the mall.

'Tell me, my once and future apprentice,' said Regina grandly gesturing over the balcony, 'what do you see?'

'A sale at The Gap?' suggested Gretchen after a moment's observation.

'Really,' said a surprised Regina, checking for herself. 'Coolness. Not actually what I meant though.'

Gretchen looked again. Finally she was forced to make an educated guess.

'That woman with a severely botched facelift? At least I _hope_ that is a woman,' she added with a shudder.

'No you brunette bimbo,' said Regina with a roll of her eyes, 'God, do you and Karen share a brain donor? I mean the _dozens_ of cute guys down there.'

Gretchen blinked. 'Cute guys? Um, Regina I'm really not sure I feel like dating someone else right now-'

'Not you,' said Regina with a smirk. 'Karen.'

'Karen,' said Gretchen despondently. She had a nasty feeling she knew what was going to come next.

'You see you get Karen to fall for a new guy,' Regina continued. 'And you go out with this Mike. Everyone wins.'

'But-' began Gretchen. Regina cut her off with a wave of her hand.

'It's not as if we are talking about _cheating_,' she stressed. 'I mean you would never even _think_ about going out with Karen's boyfriend behind her back. Would you?'

Gretchen could not quite bring herself to look Regina in the eye.

'So the best way is to make sure he doesn't become Karen's boyfriend in the first place,' said Regina firmly. 'It will save a lot of pain all around.'

'But… but,' said Gretchen searching for a reason to not agree. Mercifully something came to mind. 'I've been telling them about each other, and, they like each other and-'

'Think Wieners, think,' said the blonde. 'Tell her that he hates Reese Witherspoon; tell her that he has to pluck his uni-brow every morning. Tell her that he eats boiled puppies for breakfast for all I care. Something that will convince her Mr Right is really Mr Hell No. Then he can be all yours.'

Gretchen gaped at her.

'But Karen,' flustered Gretchen. Parts of her mind were shouting pretty loudly at other parts just about now.

'Will have this great new guy we found for her,' said Regina with a shrug. 'We aren't leaving her in the lurch.'

'Trust me,' said Regina with a smile. It was not the dazzling, toothy smile she had given earlier, but it was still quite something to behold.


	8. Chapter 8

Underated flick _Can't Hardly Wait_, and bit of an in-joke if you have seen it and _Not Another Teen Movie_. Anyway I think Gretchen would like it a lot. Karen I see as a fan of the _Josie and the Pussycats _movie.

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**Chapter 8**

'Karen… we have to talk,' said Gretchen on the Wednesday before Halloween. The two girls had been getting ready for volleyball practice, an event that figured pretty high on Gretchen's weekly list of mental horrors.

Gretchen _hated_ volleyball practice. She had never been tall or athletic and she suspected (rightly) that several of the other girls kept trying to hit her between the eyes with the ball. She could feel every eye looking at her, always mentally picking her last in every sports team. Without her lip-gloss, jewellery and designer clothes she felt… short, and scrawny. And unfashionably brunette.

In truth Karen was not actually all that much better at the volleyball itself, but she loved being out in the open, the feel of the cool air on her legs and the sun on her face, her hair flying when she ran. It was fun, simple as that.

'Do you ever feel you might be, well…wrong?' Asked Gretchen as they emerged into what even she had to admit was great weather for October.

'Oh always,' said the blonde cheerfully. 'Wrong about what?'

Gretchen looked at her shoes. 'Well,' she continued guiltily, 'about guys' maybe. Like how you think like one and he turns out to be totally not what you are looking for…you know?'

Karen gave her a confused look. Then her eyes widened in shock.

'Oh…,' she said. 'Oh my god Gretchen I should have known. And I was trying to set you up with Carter! I'm so sorry!'

'You're taking it well,' said Gretchen in surprise.

'Well you are my BFF Gretch,' said Karen, as she teared up a little. She wrapped the confused brunette in a huge hug. 'I just want you know that even if you don't like guys anymore I still love you as a friend.'

'Karen, I-' began Gretchen.

'That's right _Taylor_,' Karen was saying to the girl next to them who had been staring at the two. 'My best friend is gay and I don't care.'

'Karen I'm not gay!' shrieked Gretchen, in a rather louder voice that she intended. The brunette flushed scarlet. Every girl in the group was looking at her now.

'Oh,' said a confused looking Karen. 'Well what did you mean about guys not being what you are looking for?'

Gretchen looked at her friend's face, her bright sea coloured eyes shimmering with concern and bit her lip so hard she nearly tasted blood. Her mind flipped through the various stories she and Regina had prepared to drive off Karen.

Could she do this to her best friend?

At that point volleyball hit her in the small of the back.

Have I mentioned how much Gretchen hated volleyball practice?

* * *

'So… I thought you should know,' she finished.

They were sitting on Gretchen's bed watching _Can't Hardly Wait_ and eating pizza from Alonzo's, a sleepover tradition that stretched back further than either of them could remember. They were waiting for their toenails to finish drying (at Karen's suggestion it they had tried a daring new shade of blue).

And now Gretchen Wieners had just smashed her best friend's heart into a zillion pieces. All the Jennifer Love Hewitt films in the universe wouldn't repair the hole in that heart.

It would have been nice to think at this point that Regina had been the one to come up with the lies about Mike to repel Karen. That she had been the source of the worst lines.

It would have been nice but it wasn't true. Gretchen had known which buttons she had to press.

'So,' said Karen, her voice trembling, 'he thinks I'm too stupid.'

'Yes,' said Gretchen. And then, much to her own horror, she heard herself add 'but I'm _sure_ he wasn't making fun of you behind your back or anything.'

Karen sobbed on Gretchen's shoulder. The brunette was terribly glad that at least she didn't have to look her friend in the eye anymore. That was something that she couldn't quite bring herself to do just now.

'Oh honey, he wasn't good enough for you anyway,' said Gretchen. 'There are plenty more fish in the sea and I'm sure you'll meet Mr Right. Tomorrow maybe.'

Well, at least if Regina George had being doing her job. There were any number of guys in school who would have jumped at the chance to go out with the beautiful Karen.

'But he _was_ Mr Right,' said a heartbroken Karen. Then, to the bafflement of Gretchen she added: 'I was going to go brunette for him!'

Ten minutes later Gretchen finally managed to get away to ring Regina. Karen had disappeared into a tub of chocolate ice-cream and Gretchen could hear her sobbing through the bathroom doors.

'I do have another fish,' Regina assured her, 'Rick Cooper. He thinks Karen is pretty cute.'

Gretchen relaxed a little. Richard Cooper was on the swim team, was cute and was even (to general astonishment) supposedly a pretty nice guy. Karen would fall for him in no time, Gretchen could get Mike and everything would be fine.

In which case why did she feel like she was about three seconds away from bursting into tears?

'I'll be out in a moment honey,' she shouted through the door as she began dialing Mike.


	9. Chapter 9

This chapter has another in-joke I'm afraid.

**Chapter 9**

The redhead woke up to the sound of 'Built this Way' by Samantha Ronson. It took her a few moments to realise that it was the ring-tone on her phone.

Cady stifled a yawn and rolled over, glancing at the clock. Then she gave it a second rather longer glance just to make sure she hadn't been imagining it. She fumbled for the phone for a few seconds and finally managed to locate it.

'Hello?' Cady said with another huge yawn.

'Hey Cady, are you asleep?' came a familiar female voice from the other end.

'Yes Karen,' said Cady. 'I'm talking in my sleep right now.'

'Oh… sorry,' said an apologetic sounding Karen, and she hung up.

Cady sighed, counted to three and rang Karen.

'Hey Cady,' said Karen. 'I phoned you a minute ago but I think you were asleep.'

'Yes…,' said Cady rubbing her temples. She could feel a headache coming on. 'Um, you wanted to talk?'

'Yeah,' said Karen and Cady could hear the quaver in the blonde's voice. 'Just… I don't know what to do. I need help with a guy.'

'And you phoned me?' said a stunned Cady. Actually she had always rather liked Karen and she guessed the ditzy blonde liked her but there were plenty of other people she would have thought Karen would have called first. She felt touched.

'Well I can't ask Gretch,' said Karen. 'I mean she's totally my BFF and I love her to bits but…'

The blonde hesitated. 'She's not so good with guys. I mean she met Jason when we were like thirteen. I was dating his cousin Dan, and omigod was he a good kisser. Even better than Glen Coco! I mean his lips-'

'Karen,' Cady interrupted gently, tiredly looking at her clock.

'Sorry. So they hit it off and Regina said they'd make totally cute couple. I mean you know that he was her first kiss? And they were together for like _years_.'

The blonde paused again unhappily. 'Keep a secret Cady?'

'Of course,' replied the redhead.

'Promise?' asked Karen.

'On my shoe collection,' swore Cady.

'Cool. Um… well Gretchen's first time was with Jason…'

'Yes Karen,' said Cady brushing a strand of red hair out of her eyes. 'She told me already.'

'Yeah but did she tell that she found out that Jason hadn't just been with her that night? He was going out Dacey Sanders at the same time. She only found out a few months ago.'

'That sucks,' said Cady sympathetically. 'Poor Gretchen.'

'I know,' said Karen. There was what sounded like a sob at her end.

'Are you ok Karen?' said Cady.

'Yes,' said Karen unconvincingly. 'It's just… nothing.'

You didn't have to be a rocket scientist to know it wasn't 'nothing'. In fact – Cady yawned again - you probably didn't need to be _awake_. Karen had something pretty heavy on her mind.

'It's cool Karen you don't have to tell me everything if you aren't ready,' she said.

The blonde sobbed quietly on the other end for a few minutes before coming back. Cady sighed and sat up into a more comfortable position in bed. She could take a guess that she probably wasn't going to get much sleep tonight so she might as well get used to the idea.

'So you can see why I _can't_ go to her now,' said Karen. 'Poor Gretchen… I mean I think she is still really hurting from this Jason thing and how can ask her advice about guys? I mean I've had like a zillion more boyfriends than her and-'

'So you called me,' said Cady patiently.

'Yeah well I couldn't talk to Regina because she has never had problems with guys and I know you are all smart and Spring Fling Queen and stuff. And I really need some smart help!'

'Ok, ok,' said Cady. 'I can try.'

'Cool! So I need to get this guy to like me…'

'Well just be yourself,' said Cady. 'I mean all the guys in school like you.' She realised what this sounded like and quickly backtracked. 'I mean not that I think you are totally slutty or anything, just that you are popular.'

'But myself isn't what he wants!' sobbed Karen, 'I'm too dumb for him!'

'Oh Karen honey, you-re not-,' Cady had been about to say 'dumb' but running the word through her mind decided not too. 'I mean… maybe you should be thinking about if this is the right guy for you.'

'He isn't,' said Karen.

Cady bit her lip. She felt quite proud of Karen right about now.

'He isn't now,' continued the blonde, 'so I need to get smarter. I really need someone smart Cady – like you.'

'Are you really sure about this Karen?' asked Cady.

'More sure than I am that it's raining right now,' said Karen firmly. Cady glanced out the window. It _was_ raining.

'Will you help make me smart?' pleaded Karen.

'Alright,' said Cady wearily. 'I'll talk to you in the morning Karen. Goodnight.'

'Thank you, thank you, thank you!' squealed Karen into the phone. The exhausted redhead had already hung up by then, but Karen didn't care. She felt… well not happy because she was still heartbroken about Mike. But she did feel determined – and hopeful.

She crept out of Gretchen's bathroom like a short blonde ninja in baby blue pyjamas. Gretchen (in her usual sleepover apricot pyjamas) was fast asleep. Karen felt bad about going behind her friend's back like this, but Gretch looked like she had enough troubles.

Anyway Karen was sure that when she saw the new improved Karen Smith Gretchen would be delighted.


	10. Chapter 10

A flashback chapter! Incidentally today is my birthday so it helped getting inside Gretchen's head. :)

For those of you keeping track this is set in April 2004, about five months before the start of the film.

* * *

**Chapter 10**

_Eighteen __Months Earlier…_

Gretchen Wieners sat down at her vanity, took a deep breath and stared into the mirror.

It was even worse than she had though possible. In her most terrible nightmares she had never imagined anything quite this bad, this apocalyptic happening to her. She glanced longingly at her bed and fought a sudden urge to just dive under the pink covers and stay there for the next thousand years or so, which was pretty much the length of time it would take for her to recover from this. The thought of school and facing everyone there was enough to make her physically ill. Let alone tomorrow…

Ok, so maybe she had had zits before. But this was different; this angry red monster lurking on her forehead that no amount of concealer would ever conceal. And this affliction, this punishment from the gods of beauty had happened to her the day before her sweet sixteenth birthday.

Everything had been arranged to be just perfect; the huge party; the guests; the new car; the performance by O-Town; that whole ice sculpture/swan/fountain thing that was totally twice the size of the whole ice sculpture/swan/fountain thing that Taylor Wendell had had at _her _party; and the outfit and the shoes.

At this point in the flashback we invite you to consider Gretchen Wieners sweet sixteen outfit: to begin with we have the dress. A black silk dress painstakingly designed by one of the most brilliant fashionistas to ever come out of France. Then we add the diamonds. And the matching custom strappy sandals of course, also black and diamonded. We have yet to even get to the jewellery but that is because it really deserves a flashback of its own. All in all what Gretchen Wieners will be wearing costs enough to run a medium sized Third World country for a year.

I mention this now only because said dress and said sandals with end up carelessly thrown on the floor of Jason Vito's bedroom by the end of tomorrow night. But I get ahead of myself.

Well there was nothing for it, Gretchen thought, she needed help. Bracing herself she picked up the phone and dialled Regina.

'What's up biaytch?' said Regina answering.

'Hey Regina, um I really need some help here,' said Gretchen. 'I have the mother of all zits and I so need you before it totally eats the rest of my face.'

'Zit eh?,' said the blonde disinterestedly. From somewhere on the other side of the phone Gretchen could hear a guy asking who Regina was speaking to.

'Well just put some foundation or something on it Gretch,' said Regina.

'But Regina I-' began Gretchen.

'God Gretch,' said Regina (and Gretchen could practically hear the eye roll). 'I'm kinda busy here if you know what I mean. Just suck it up and I'll see you at school.'

Gretchen could hear her talking to the guy over the phone. That and the rustle of the bed sheets. The brunette blushed. Busy indeed!

Wait… was that Shane Oman's voice? What about Aaron?

'See you Gretchen,' said Regina firmly.

'See you Regina,' said Gretchen, hanging up with a sigh. She dialled another number.

'Hey Karen, its Gretchen.'

'Hey Gretchen!,' said Karen cheerfully, bubbliness practically beaming through the phone.

'Um, I know it's early and all, but I have a huge zit problem here,' said Gretchen.

A pause.

'Don't do anything, I'll be right over,' instructed Karen, her attitude suddenly all business. She hung up.

Gretchen sat back in her chair and relaxed slightly. The nuclear zit still glowed in the mirror but she was feeling a little better now. Ok, so she had no idea what Karen was planning and honestly probably neither did her friend. But she knew they could cook up _something_ between them.

She envied Karen. Ok so the gal had her share of blonde moments… or rather she was like one giant walking blonde moment, but she was confident and fun and cheerful and honestly Gretchen couldn't remember a time when you could use those words to describe Gretchen herself. And Karen knew boys; which lets face it is going to happen when you get boobs at twelve. Gretchen had (finally!) got hers at fifteen and was completely clueless about guys.

Well that was going to change. Pretty soon she would actually know what Karen and Regina were always talking about. She glanced at the framed photo of Jason on her vanity. He looked so hot in his football uniform, and she could feel her heart practically melt.

Tomorrow night, she knew. Tomorrow _night_ had to be perfect; perfect party; perfect friends; perfect clothes.

And – she hoped – a perfect first night with the perfect guy.


End file.
